"Life is like a Box of Choklits"

To quote Forrest Gump's Mom: "Life is like a box of choklits - You never know what you're gonna get." The human body is like that,it's an amazing thing. I'm talking about the resiliency it possesses in regards to punishment., Last Wednesday I had a "Carpel Tunnel operation on my right wrist. Add that to the fact that I've have had or have had done to me the following: 1935 - Got hit be a car. It broke my left leg, left arm, left collar bone and pushed my upper jaw bone out of place. I also received a skull fracture and a brain concussion. The car that hit me was a 1934 Cadillac. (Woman drive) The bumper took my leg and arm, the headlight took my collar bone and my head. That was in July, I think and I was in the hospital until Christmas Eve. I had a body cast on for 14 weeks. In 1936 I had another brain concussion from a fall. That one about took me but my Dad administrated to me and I'm sure it saved my life. I had all of the childhood diseases - Clicked Pox, Measles, Whooping Cough, and Scarlet Fever. Never got the Mumps. Other than there normal cuts, bruises and blisters, a couple of bouts with the Flu and Pneumonia, nothing happened throughout my teens and young adulthood. However in 1972 I broke both bones in my right wrist from falling out of a ski chair lift while teaching my two youngest sons how to ski. But that's another story. In 1962 I became a Type 1 Diabetic. I have been Insulin dependant since the beginning, taking one to five Insulin injections per day. Due to the Diabetes and my stubbornness in not observing a healthy diet, I have no teeth, bad eyesight and have had eight of my ten toes amputated. From my Mom's side of the family, I have Arthritis, miner though it may be, it has caused me some pain. I've had three neck operations to remove pressure on my Spinal Column that was making my arms go numb and lower back surgery to relieve pain in my legs. My last five vertebrae - L1 through L5, are tied together with Titanium rods and screws. Last but not least, in 1993 I had a Quad Bypass Heart operation. I'd never had a heart attack; the heart condition was discovered by a Stress Test. The good news is that my heart is strong, my kidneys and liver continue to function 100% and I am still mobile and able to do anything I want. So, bring on th "choklits" I still have a lot of living to do.

A Temple Excursion

I was discussing LDS beliefs with a non LDS friend of mine and the subject of Baptism for the Dead came up. It reminded me of a time in my life when I was sixteen years old. My friends and I were in a Sunday School class taught by my Mother. The course of study that year included the topic of "Baptism for the Dead." During the discussion, my Mom asked if the class would like to do baptism for the dead. The response was 100% in favor of the idea. We decided on the day to go and my Mom made the arrangements. We decided to go to he Manti Temple to perform the ordinances. One of my friends (I'll call him Dave) who was active in all aspects of the Church wanted to go with us but he was not a member. He went to our Bishop and told him of his desires. The Bishop told him he would, first of all, need to become a member of the LDS church. Dave knew this and ask the Bishop to talk to his parents for permission to be baptized. This was accomplished and so with all of us, Dave got a recommend not only for his own baptism but a recommend to perform baptism for the dead. On the prescribed day, we all got on a bus and went to Manti, Utah and the temple there. My maternal grandparents lived in Manti and were ordinance workers in the Temple. As such, my grandfather supervised the baptism session. First off, Dave was baptized and confirmed a member of the church. We then proceeded to do the baptisms. There were about 18 members in the class about equally divided by sex. All of the boys, except Dave, were Priests and, therefore, could perform baptisms. So, we took turns baptizing each other both boys and girls. The confirmations were performed by the Ordinande workers. As I recall, we did about 300 baptisms that day. It is an experience that I will never forget and a tribute to my Mother that I'll always cherish.

It Happened in Vegas

Over the thirty years that I drove proffessioonally I only had one accident and that one was not chargeable to me. It hapened in 1964. I was driving for a company that transported fresh and frozen foods for a wholesale company in Salt Lake City. On this particular trip, my driving partner and I had come from Los Angeles with a load of Clorox headed for Salt Lke. I had started driving in Colton, CA and arrived at Las Vegas about 1:30 AM The freeway ended before arriving at Vegas and all traffic was channeled onto old US Highway 91. The highway went into Vegas via the "Strip." At this time of the morning traffic was light. Most of the shows had let out at One o'clock. I woke my partner as we started up the strip and he was sitting up smoking a cigarette. As I approached the Sands Hotel, a car pulled out in front of me. I was only going about 30 mph, hit my brakes and turned hard to the right but still hit the rear drivers side of the car. My rig went under the entry canopy of the casino, through a small retaining wall that seperated the main entrance from the cars coming to and leaving the casino. I stopped just short of the revolving doors to the casino. I ran back to the car that I had hit and found that the man driving had a bad cut on his head. Shortly, the police and an ambulance arrived. They took the guy and his wife to the hospital. There were plenty of witnesses in my favor and I was not cited. The star at the Sands that time was Paul Anka who had heard the noise from his dressing room and came out to see what had happened. (Later, my 9 year old son asked if I had gotten his autograph.) When we went to back the truck out of the Sands entrance, we had to pry the bumper away from the left front tire and that was all the damage that the truck suffered. As it turned out, the guy that I hit was from Arizona who was supposed to be in LA to a convention. The woman with him was not his wife, and disappeared when they got to the hospital. The car was registered in his wife's name who was still in Arizona. I called my wife and told her what had happened and about 7:00 AM we continued our trup to Salt Lake City.

That Reminds Me of....

Wizard of Creativity had a posting about footbath therapy. It was great and very interesting. However, sinc I'm a joke teller, it reminded me of one I'd like to pass on:

A middled aged blond woman heard that if you bathed in milk, it would do wonders for your skin in softening it and removing unwanted wrinkles. She ddecided to try it and left a note for her milkman to ring the doorbell when he made his morning delivery so she could order the required milk for the bath. He did as directed and she answered the door. She told him about what she had heard and asked if he, the milkman, could deliver enough milk so she could take the desired bath. The milkman thought for a moment and then said "Would you like that pasteurized?" The blond said "No, just up to my bellybutton."

I'll post more as things remind me of good strories.

My first day of Basic Training

I got drafted in July of 1955 and was instructed to report to Ft. Douglas in Salt Lake City on the 5th of August. I did so, was sworn in and was bused with 30 other draftees to Ft. Carson, Colorado. We arrived there about noon the next day and were bused from Colorado Sprins, CO to Ft. Carson. That same day about 100 draftees from elsewhere arrived at the same time. They had us line up single file on the edge of a big parade ground about the size of three football fields side by side. We had each been given a small paper bag. When we marhed onto the parade ground, tnis big mean looking drill sergeant yelled "Halt!" We all did. He then hollered "Right Face" and 129 guys turned right and one turned left. Who was that dummy? You guessed it. It was me. The sergeant came to where I was standing and asked if I knew my right hand from my left. I said I did but he had picked up a rock about the size of a baseball and put it in my right hand as a reminder of which was right and which was left. He told me that I was to carry that rock in my right hand all the rest of the day. I could only put it down while I ate. I even had to sleep with it that night. Anyhow, we were instructed to "Police the Parade Ground" that is to pick up anything that wasn't grass and put it in the paper bags as we crossed the field and stop in a line on the other side. We were then mrched to the mess hall where I had my first army meal. The rest of the day went without incident but I never forgot which was left and which was right.

Did You Hear the One About...

I've always enjoyed telling and listening to jokes - good or bad. It has always amused me that when you get into a joke telling mode with some good friends that as you listen, just a word or phrase will remind you of another joke. One day several years ago I sat down at my computer and typed jokes as they came into my mind. To date I have over 50 pages of jokes - yes, both good bak and ugly. Today, I thought that I would pass along a few jokes to make your day hapier. Here goes:

A blind man walked in to a department store with his seeing-eye dog. He stood there for a few minutes, reached down and grabbed the dog by the tail and began to swing him around his head. A clerk came up to him and said “May I help you, sir.” The blind guy said “No, I’m just looking around.”

One day there was a toad that went into a bank and stepped up to the desk of a loan officer named Patty Black. She asked if she could help the frog and he said, “I’d like to take out a loan. Patty Black asked what the frog had for collateral. The frog said, “What do you mean?” Patty Black said, “We’ll need something of value to secure the loan. The frog opened up his backpack and took out a small ceramic figurine and handed it to Patty Black. Patty said, “This won’t do.” Patty Black said. “Do you have anything else?” “No” said the frog. “That’s all I have.” “Well,” said Patty, “I’ll have to get this approved as collateral for you loan. She called the bank manager to assist her. When the bank manager came up to the desk, he said, “What seems to be the problem?” Patty Black explained the situation and showed the bank manager the small figurine that the frog had offered as security. The bank manager took the figurine and said, “That’s nick-nack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan.”

I'll end with a dumb blond joke:

A man was driving along a highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, a sensitive man, as well as an animal lover, pulled over to
the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful that he began to cry. A blonde driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blond told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two people and hopped off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two people again, hopped down the road another 10 feet, waved, and hopped another 10 feet, turned and waved and repeated this again and again until it was out of sight.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The blond woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: Are you ready for this? Are you sure? OK, here it is....... Hair Spray - Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."

I welcome your comments. If you will tell me what you think, I'll post a few more jokes - or not.

Memories from our youth

A posting by Sandi in her Blog "Wizards of Creativity" about a memory of an incident that happened to her when she was three years old made me think of memories of our youth. A fond memory I have happened when I was five years old. I was with my Mom and Dad traveling from St. Maries, Idaho to Safford Arizona. Dad worked for a pipeline constuction company as a "Cat Skinner" or Bull Dozer operator. As such, it was his job, when they moved, to load the bull dozer onto a flat bed semi truck and take it to the next job site. This particular move took plade in December 1936 at Christmas time. My big concern was how Santa Claus was was going to find us if we didn't have a permanent house. It happened at Jacobs Lake, Arizona. We arrived there on Christmas Eve and Dad got us a cabin to stay in. During that night it snowed two feet. In the morning, I found, to my joy, that Santa had indeed found us and I got the toy I had asked for. My Dad unloaded the bull dozer from the semi trailer and plowed all the snow from the trailer court and the owner gave us our cabin rental for free. After the state snow plows went by, we continued on our way to Safford, Ariz. What a thrill it is to think back to that time and know that my parents were mindful of the importance of Christmas and made it happen for me.